Hail Janus!

Happy New Year. That's what you have been saying and hearing for a week. HAPPY NEW YEAR! And we have Julius Ceasar to thank for it. According to the history books, in 46 BC, Ceasar declared the 1st of January as the new year in order to celebrate Janus, the pagan two-faced God. This God intrigues me, Janus. He looks into the past and towards the future at the same time. And that is the ritual we embrace every December 31st. We look into our past year for its triumphs and pitfalls and make a plan for our future based on those results.

If you are anything like me, this holiday comes with a need to purge. The winter season always marks a deep descent into my own self reflection. The darkening of the days, the overcast skies, the chill in the air inspires me to burrow in and away from all that bustles. There are parties to go to, people to make merry with, but I find myself out in the winter woods, and buried beneath covers reading more often than not. And while I am coveting myself, I am subconsciously taking inventory of the things that are weighing me down.

Traditionally, the purge begins with stuff. A sweep through each room and I find things that just have to go. Things I once loved or had sentimental attachment to now just set my teeth on edge. What is all this stuff? I don't want it. I don't need it. Why do I have a collection of wine corks in a bottle? My memories serve me well enough to know I have been blessed by many a good party. Into the trash with them.

Then I move to the budget. What are all these auto payments going towards? Subscription services for music, television, books. Do I really have time for it all? I wish, but with teens and ft work, yikes!

After the stuff and the money, it moves to people. Sounds cold, but it's not really. I know so many of you who are currently purging their social media platforms of any folks they don't know or their opinions just piss them off. I go a step further and just stay off of social media all together during the winter. The more difficult task comes when you look deep into your friendship cabinet and recognize there may be one or two that need to be set out for donation as well. These particular friendships may be causing you more grief than joy. We have all had these people in our lives and though hard to cut the ties that bind, hard to hurt people's feelings or have one's feelings hurt, we are better off in the letting go.

But the hardest look at what to get rid of is always within. What about me has to go? What personality traits, habits, actions do I need change?

This year was very different for me. I still moved towards quiet reflection and away from the crowds, but it turns out my purging ritual has lessened in volume. There wasn't that much stuff to get rid of. The subscriptions I have I cherish. I am working through the books one by one. I live in a small flat so the stuff we have, we use. I did have one major person to remove and I did. A ritual of deleting, burning, burying, and throwing mementos of them to the wind helped finally be done with something that no longer served anyone involved. Other than that, I looked around me and smiled from deep places. For the first time in 35 years, I had very little else to purge. I am blessed by a small group of amazing friends, a saint of a husband, a peaceful home, two beautiful daughters, work I love, and alot of happy memories made every day with all.

But when I got to the me question, the reality set in. The biggest purge would have to be from within. There is a laundry list I have that I won't bore you with. But the most important one I realized was my holding onto suffering. I realized that for the majority of my life, I have been fighting my own happiness as if I weren't allowed to be happy. I collect things, or engage in things that keep me from joy, and then I feel accomplished when each year at this time, I purge one by one.

That methodology finally made no sense to me.

Something about coming to 2017, my fiftieth year here on planet earth, made me realize life is far too short to be afraid, well, of anything but especially my own happiness. I look to the comedians of the world for inspiration now. There are far too many people taking themselves far too seriously. Including me.

So, done with that. Into the bin the pensive thinker goes. This is no easy feat, trust me, but one step at a time. I have a mantra now rolling in my head daily, "Lighten the f#$@ up Ryder."

I am working on it.

If you find yourself with a great deal to purge, just do it. Especially if it is inside of you. These things that we are attached to do nothing but weigh us down, steal our joy. And life really is short. Of that I am quite sure of now.

Janus is a good God, inspiring us to look backwards and forwards, helping us decide what to be done with, what to keep, what to move towards. Hopefully as the years roll on, we will all have nothing to purge anymore. We will find contententment in our own simplicity and in the peace that comes with it.

Wishing you all a well purged 2017.